Ed Schmidt

Playwright, Performer, Producer, Genius

Ed Schmidt's plays have been rejected by some of the most and least venerable theater companies in America, including Arena Stage (“not right”), Manhattan Theater Club (“really don’t think it’s right”), Lincoln Center Theater (“don’t feel the play is right”), Roundabout Theatre Company (“don’t think the piece is quite right”), Alliance Theatre Company (“not for us”), Huntington Theatre Company (“isn’t right for us”), Ensemble Studio Theatre (“not right for us at this time”), Williamstown Theater Festival (“don’t feel it is right for us at this time”), American Place (“do not feel that it is a play for us at this time”), Crossroads (“at this time, we have no further interest in it”), McCarter (“not appropriate to the needs of our theater”), Denver Center Theatre Company (“does not suit our needs at this time”), Los Angeles Theatre Center (“does not suit our needs at the present time”), Geffen Playhouse (“does not fit our production needs currently”), Oregon Shakespeare Festival (“does not suit our current artistic needs”), George Street Playhouse (“does not fulfill any of our current needs”), Victory Gardens (“does not fit into our plans for our current season”), Public Theater (“does not fit our programming”), Guthrie Theater (“doesn’t fit into Joe Dowling’s plans right now”), Philadelphia Festival Theater (“will not be able to include it in our season”), Goodman Theatre (“will not be able to offer the play a home”), Long Wharf (“not a project that we are able to place in our upcoming season”), Mark Taper Forum (“not able to include the piece in any of our current programs”), South Coast Rep (“haven’t found a slot for it here”), Paper Mill Playhouse (“not the type of show that we are looking to produce”), Old Globe (“not the kind of work I respond to”), Playwrights Horizons (“too schematically drawn for our tastes”), Manhattan Class Company (“not interested in working with you”), Cleveland Play House (“unable to persuade the powers-that-be to choose it”), Zebra Crossing Theatre (“generally do not depict this type of behavior on stage”), New Playwrights’ Theatre (“seeking liquidation under Chapter 7 of the Bankruptcy Code”), Immediate Theatre (“out of business”), and the North Carolina Black Repertory Company (“please refrain from calling the office about your scripts”). The rare productions of Mr. Schmidt's plays have been dismissed by New York Magazine ("Overlong!"), the New York Sun ("Overdone!"), American Theatre Web ("Long-winded!"), Seattle Weekly ("Mildly engaging!"), New York Times ("Not uninteresting!"), Wolff Entertainment Guide ("Cumbersome!"), the Village Voice ("Lazy, repetitive, and hyperbolic!"), the New York Observer ("He's nuts ... I would be less than candid if I didn't admit to feeling tempted to slip out!"), WVOX radio ("Pretty much preaching to the converted!"), Time Out New York ("Has the general air of cable-access theater!"), Newsday ("At the core of the proceedings is an uncertainty that looks a lot like emptiness!”), and TheaterMania ("Your belly is more satisfied than your mind!"). He has been rejected by the agents Scott Hudson (“did not really work for me”), Richard Krawetz (“needs some more development”), Wiley Hausam (“not passionate enough about the script to become involved”), Peter Franklin (“did not have the kind of enthusiasm for the play which I would need in order to feel I’d be the best agent for it”), and Helen Merrill (actually, she wanted to represent me, but when she called to tell me so, I informed her that another agent had already agreed to sign me, so then she’s all “How dare you double-submit scripts!” and I go, “Whoa, lemme expl—” but she just starts whalin on me and I’m like, “Whatever,” and she freakin hangs up … all of which transpired, of course, before Ms. Merrill’s untimely death). After graduating from Philips Exeter Academy (High Honors), Mr. Schmidt was rejected by Harvard University, though he probably wouldn’t have gone even if he had been accepted. After graduating from Williams College (don’t ask), Mr. Schmidt applied to the Yale School of Drama, was wait-listed, then, upon reapplication a year later, was rejected outright. Mr. Schmidt subsequently moved to New York (Orange, New Jersey) and enrolled in a playwriting course, whose members included Jason Katims, who gained fame and power as the creator, executive producer and head writer for Roswell. The two young writers struck up a friendship but, after promising to direct a staged reading of one of Mr. Katims’s plays, Mr. Schmidt gutlessly backed out, and the two haven’t spoken since. If not for Mr. Schmidt’s spineless betrayal, he might now be a staff writer on any number of hit television shows. Mr. Schmidt then joined “The Ding,” a writing group whose members included John Patrick Shanley, but he quit after Shanley won an Oscar® for “Moonstruck” and the group turned into a weekly ass-kiss. Mr. Schmidt was once a member of the Dramatists Guild but didn’t renew his membership because, since he wasn’t getting produced, all he got for his annual dues was a useless quarterly newsletter. In 1994, Mr. Schmidt married Mary Beth Kilkelly, whose classmates at Wesleyan University included the film directors John Turteltaub (National Treasure, 3 Ninjas, Cool Runnings, While You Were Sleeping, Phenomenon, Instinct, Disney’s The Kid), Michael Bay (Bad Boys, Armageddon, The Rock, Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys 2), Shari Springer Berman (American Splendor), Daisy von Scherler Mayer (Party Girl, Madeline, Woo), and the Oscar®-winning screenwriter Akiva Goldsman (A Beautiful Mind, Lost in Space, Batman Forever, Batman and Robin), and one of the guys in Blue Man Group. At present, Ms. Kilkelly has introduced her husband only to Mr. Turteltaub, but Mr. Schmidt, in a childish fit of jealousy (thinly disguised as indifference), refused to cultivate that relationship. Mr. Schmidt’s brother Steven Schmidt co-wrote Jonathan Demme’s recent film, The Truth about Charlie, starring Mark Wahlberg, Thandie Newton, and Tim Robbins, but so far that connection, too, has been for shit. Mr. Schmidt is a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America (double major: poultry and forcemeats).

Please note that none of Mr. Schmidt's work has been made possible, in part or in whole, by the generous support of the National Endowment for the Arts, the New York State Council on the Arts, or the New York City Department of Cultural Affairs, or of any corporate foundation or charitable institution, though it’s not for lack of trying, because despite Mr. Schmidt’s refusal to acknowledge the legitimacy of the most recent Presidential election; his frequent public and private attacks on the present Administration’s domestic and social policies; his alarm over its naive and deadly foreign policy; his unambivalent rejection of bourgeois values; his embarrassment over his nation’s cultural vacuity; his disgust with corporate America’s insatiable greed; and his principled outrage over institutionalized racism, sexism and homophobia … despite all of this, Mr. Schmidt firmly believes that he and other like-minded artists are entitled to the financial largess of the very politicians and businesspeople whom their art seeks to undermine, overthrow, and replace.